The Dreaded Number

    When I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to start a blog he asked me what it was about. I gave him the overview of what I wanted to do and got to work. Once I finished my first post I couldn't wait for someone to read it and for them to be able to relate to what I was going through. Of course I wanted to share my excitement with my husband, but one thing was keeping me from letting him read my post. It was the one thing that I was completely embarrassed about and could not come to telling my husband...how much I actually weighed. As ridiculous as this may seem I have never told my husband how much I weighed and would never even let him look at the scale even when he was with me at my prenatal visits. I would tell him to stand behind me so he wouldn't be able to see the number that would pop up.

     I know I am not the only person in this world that is embarrassed to tell their significant other that one number; no I'm not talking about the "partners" number. I'm talking about that dreaded number that comes up when we step on a small device and it sometimes reminds us that we aren't doing enough. It's amazing how sometimes this small device can have so much power over us.

     I'm not sure why I am so embarrassed to tell him this number...he knows everything else about me. He knows other things that I would be embarrassed to tell my friends or family members. I have struggled with this dilemma for a few years now. I know my husband loves me and does not care what that number is; yet I'm still scared of what he might think. He's obviously seen what's hiding under my clothes and has not thought anything bad.  One thing that adds to the anxiety of him finding out my real weight is that he thinks I'm a much smaller number. I'm afraid that once he realizes my actual weight that he will see me in a whole different way.

     I know some women have no problems saying that number out loud and that is very empowering. As for myself, I'm still barely able to whisper that number out loud. While proof reading my first post I actually stopped at the numbers I had put on there. I was staring at the screen thinking to myself if I really wanted to put that information out there. I finished reading it and hit publish. I mean here I am on the internet telling millions of people, yet I can not tell my husband. It somehow seems easier to open up to strangers, especially if you are sitting behind a keyboard and a screen. So should I just keep this dirty little secret to myself until I have lost some weight and feel better about myself or should I just tell him now so I get this burden off my chest? Sheesh, what's a girl to do! How many of you out there are going through this same thing or something similar?