Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Dreaded Number

    When I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to start a blog he asked me what it was about. I gave him the overview of what I wanted to do and got to work. Once I finished my first post I couldn't wait for someone to read it and for them to be able to relate to what I was going through. Of course I wanted to share my excitement with my husband, but one thing was keeping me from letting him read my post. It was the one thing that I was completely embarrassed about and could not come to telling my much I actually weighed. As ridiculous as this may seem I have never told my husband how much I weighed and would never even let him look at the scale even when he was with me at my prenatal visits. I would tell him to stand behind me so he wouldn't be able to see the number that would pop up.

     I know I am not the only person in this world that is embarrassed to tell their significant other that one number; no I'm not talking about the "partners" number. I'm talking about that dreaded number that comes up when we step on a small device and it sometimes reminds us that we aren't doing enough. It's amazing how sometimes this small device can have so much power over us.

     I'm not sure why I am so embarrassed to tell him this number...he knows everything else about me. He knows other things that I would be embarrassed to tell my friends or family members. I have struggled with this dilemma for a few years now. I know my husband loves me and does not care what that number is; yet I'm still scared of what he might think. He's obviously seen what's hiding under my clothes and has not thought anything bad.  One thing that adds to the anxiety of him finding out my real weight is that he thinks I'm a much smaller number. I'm afraid that once he realizes my actual weight that he will see me in a whole different way.

     I know some women have no problems saying that number out loud and that is very empowering. As for myself, I'm still barely able to whisper that number out loud. While proof reading my first post I actually stopped at the numbers I had put on there. I was staring at the screen thinking to myself if I really wanted to put that information out there. I finished reading it and hit publish. I mean here I am on the internet telling millions of people, yet I can not tell my husband. It somehow seems easier to open up to strangers, especially if you are sitting behind a keyboard and a screen. So should I just keep this dirty little secret to myself until I have lost some weight and feel better about myself or should I just tell him now so I get this burden off my chest? Sheesh, what's a girl to do! How many of you out there are going through this same thing or something similar?


  1. What would make you feel better??I told my husband, actually he asked me (or made me) get on the scale and I was totally humiliated. I picked the scale up and through it down on the garage floor not once but several times until it broke in many different pieces.It may have not been the best thing for him to do to me but it opened my eyes and from that I have never felt better and in the best shape of my life. I was at 219 and now 139 at age 50..size 4/6 LISA
    Friends on Weight Watchers(Facebook)

  2. I'm still trying to figure which would make me feel better lol. I would also be completely humiliated if my hubby asked me to do the same. I think once I am comfortable with my weight or have at least gotten down to something I'm not as embarrassed about I'll have the guts to tell him. Great job on all of your weight loss! You Rock!

  3. When I finally told my boyfriend my high weight (287) I realized: he already knew. He didn't seem surprised. I guess I always felt like if he didn't know the number he wouldn't know how big I really was.
    He does have eyes though. :)
    I was really, really glad I told him and I was relieved. Don't let a silly number hold power over you. You should be able to talk openly with him, it will help you to get all the support you can get. We had many more conversations about my weight. Sometimes I cried. But it's always better to let it out than to bottle it up.

  4. I'm the opposite. I've always been ashamed of my weight but my husband has always known my weight. He was shocked when I told him it & probably little disgusted but I had no problem telling him. Now letting it go on the internet was hard! My starting weight was 300.5 & I'm only 5'4. Only my closest family & friends know my real weight. I don't think anyone actually reads my blog where I've admitted my weight & put up pictures. Even the weight loss tickers I put on facebook don't have weight, just the amount I've lost & how much to my goal which right now is a short term 25 lb goal. YIKES! If you want to read my blog (it's mostly a food blog with a lot of talking & whining with some weight numbers etc) it's
    Yikes! :)

  5. @ L.C - I'm proud of you for telling your hubby. I guess I'm not confident enough to tell him just yet, but I will. I hopped over to your blog and read it. Lol your stories are funny, it sounds like what I would be saying in my own head. Having smaller goals is much easier and better to do than doing something extreme like 100lbs. That way we don't get discouraged when we aren't getting the results we want. Congrats on the weight loss!! <3