Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm a Survivor

     Yes, I am a survivor. Want to know why?? I survived one month of healthy eating and exercising. The funny thing is I liked it and didn't feel like it was torture. There are people out there that think that eating healthy and exercising is torture; I use to be one of those people. Now I realize that is not true. Yes, it may suck in the beginning, because your body is telling you to stop. Once your body figures out, "Hey I'm suppose to use those muscles and move like this on a regular basis", then that's when it starts becoming easier. This is not the thing that is bothering me though.

     One thing that has bothered me is that everyone I know keeps asking, "What kind of diet are you on?" I tell them very politely that I am not on a diet and that I am changing my lifestyle to become a healthier person. Then comes the look of, "Oh, okay...". Some of you may be familiar with that look. The look I'm talking about is the one that has doubt or thinks "yea right" or is even trying to hold in the laughter. Well, you know what? I'm doing this for ME and not for those people. I know I'm doing my best and surviving the trials and tribulations of changing to a new, better, healthier lifestyle.

     I started my quest 1 month ago and I feel amazing. I am able to actually walk more than one mile and am up to 3-4 miles. I have started running and training for a 5k. I was so inspired by other people's weight loss journey that I decided to participate in a 5k in November. I am doing the Couch 2 5k running program and I can say that I am seeing a difference in my endurance, strength and attitude. Before I made the decision to really change and not do a temporary scheme (a.k.a diet), I would loathe the thought of running. My excuse was I was too big to run. I was just full of excuses, let me tell you. Now I want it to be decent weather outside so I can go out and walk/jog (a.k.a wog). I look forward to challenging myself with each workout. I look forward to trying to fit in as much exercise as I can in one day.

     I can not wait to see how I change even more within the next few months. If it has only been one month and my outlook has started to change, imagine what it will be as time passes by. Yes, I can say I'm a survivor and I will keep surviving. I know there are times were I will fall back and feel defeated, but I will SURVIVE it and keep pushing forward. I know everyone has the survival instincts in them also. You just have to dig deep inside and find it. Once you have found it then put it straight to work and say, "I AM A SURVIVOR!"

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Weighing In with a Scale Obsession

     I started my blog one week ago and stated on it that I would post weekly updates of my weight, whether good or bad. I have also decided to put my measurements up as well. So as of last week I have lost 5 lbs!! Woo-Hoo!!! I am very excited about it. Now last week I didn't take my measurements so I do not have anything to compare to.

As of this week though here they are:

Bust: 39
Waist: 50 (Yikes!!)
Hips: 54 3/4 (Yikes!!)
Right Thigh: 31 1/2      Left Thigh: 33 1/4                                    (That's a weird difference between my thighs)
Right Arm: 15 3/4       Left Arm: 15

     So now I am hoping to see how next week will turn out. This week was a very good start to my new lifestyle. My husband even did a few workouts himself! Hopefully I am inspiring him and he will join me into becoming healthier.

     One thing that I did notice was that every morning I would go to the downstairs bathroom and weigh myself; I would also weigh myself before I went to bed. I know, I know, not the greatest thing to do. Somehow I have become obsessed with it. When I use to do my crazy diets before I was completely and utterly obsessed with the scale. I would get on it every chance I got. This would effect my mood and either have me happy or sad. I learned that the scale is my enemy and I shouldn't rely on it completely. I should start noticing how my clothes fit on me or how I am looking in the mirror.

     Many people become obsessed with the scale and base their entire diet around it. The reality is that your weight is going to fluctuate day to day. In fact it will actually change throughout the day. Here are some reasons not to weigh yourself constantly:

1. Muscle weighs more than fat. If you are doing strength training, then you are building up your muscle. This will cause the scale to go up. Most people do not realize this and get alarmed. The fact is having more muscle is good! It helps out your metabolism and helps reduce the amount of fat you have.

2. All scales are not the same. Do not weigh yourself on all types of different scales; i.e. at the gym, at home, at the doctor, at your friend's home. There is always a difference when I get weighed at my doctor's office compared to at home. It is usually off by a few pounds.

3. Your weight will change throughout the day. Your body does all kinds of weird things and making your weight go up and down is part of it.

4. You will make yourself go crazy! If the scale isn't where you want it to be you will feel horrible and that might lead to a lack of motivation. You may give up, because you might think, "What the heck, nothing is working." Or the opposite may occur; you may see a slight decrease in weight and splurge.

      So why is it that we have become so infatuated with this little machine? I would like to think that I can just hide my scale and not try to look for it, but honestly I think I would go through withdrawl. I will however start limiting myself on how many times I weigh myself. I promise to not weigh myself more than once a day. Can you make that promise too?? Let's put an end to the scale obsession.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Stressing Out

     Yesterday morning I woke up sore from doing lunges the day before. Oh man did my thighs burn when I got up from bed. I decided to let my body rest and skipped doing any exercise. Now I am not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but I felt very blah yesterday. By blah I mean that I just felt very stressed and frustrated. I am a stay at home mom to 2 boys and also a student. My classes don't start until the end of October and I have been on break since May. I think not having any interaction with other adults or getting a break from the kids really wore me out and it all just hit me yesterday. I had a little break down last night and this morning I thought that maybe it had to do with not doing any exercise. I also knew it was because I store all my emotions inside until I am ready to blow, but that's a different subject.

     Now I know that there have been numerous amounts of studies linking exercise with better moods. I have searched on the internet and have read a few articles about this. When you exercise your body releases endorphins (which are like natural stress relievers). These endorphins put you in a good or better mood. Now let me just say that I am not an expert on this nor am I a doctor. When your body releases adrenaline, endorphins, serotonin and other hormones this can cause you to feel great. So if we miss one day of exercise will we break down?? Not necessarily, unless you were in my situation and let everything pile on top of you until you couldn't take it anymore. Talk about a heavy load.

     Okay, maybe we shouldn't get ourselves all hyped up and super stressed over things and blow up, like me. I hold onto my feelings until everything is so built up that one simple action can bring out the worst in me. How scary is that? I am sometimes an emotional eater and yesterday would have triggered an immediate response. Instead I had a good cry, talked to my best friend, took a shower and went to bed. It is very hard to try and refocus yourself once you have a habit of going to food when your sad, mad, happy, scared, etc. Since I started this blog, which was only 5 days ago, I have struggled everyday to resist that temptation. Instead I have been focusing my energy in exercising. Surprisingly, I feel the same way after I go for a long walk as I do when I'm eating an ice cream sundae. The only difference is after my walk I feel great and extremely proud of myself; after the sundae I feel ashamed and guilty.

     This is something that I have kind of known for awhile, but have refused to accept the reality of it. I knew exercise is good for you and makes you feel amazing afterwards, but I was too lazy to get up and do it. I also knew that eating your emotions was bad for you, but I still did it and felt horrible afterwards. Now that I have finally dug my heels in and started this new lifestyle I refuse to go back. Maybe yesterday was a coincidence, but it really made me think. I honestly didn't believe that exercise really would help me release stress. I wasn't a believer in it until today. This morning I did some Zumba and danced my booty off and afterwards I felt great. I wasn't even bothered that my little guy was trying to hold onto my legs while I was doing it or that he was trying to crawl in and out of the steps I was doing. Yesterday would have been a different story though. Now as I am sitting here finishing this post I feel more relaxed and less stressed. Huh, go figure.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Dreaded Number

    When I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to start a blog he asked me what it was about. I gave him the overview of what I wanted to do and got to work. Once I finished my first post I couldn't wait for someone to read it and for them to be able to relate to what I was going through. Of course I wanted to share my excitement with my husband, but one thing was keeping me from letting him read my post. It was the one thing that I was completely embarrassed about and could not come to telling my much I actually weighed. As ridiculous as this may seem I have never told my husband how much I weighed and would never even let him look at the scale even when he was with me at my prenatal visits. I would tell him to stand behind me so he wouldn't be able to see the number that would pop up.

     I know I am not the only person in this world that is embarrassed to tell their significant other that one number; no I'm not talking about the "partners" number. I'm talking about that dreaded number that comes up when we step on a small device and it sometimes reminds us that we aren't doing enough. It's amazing how sometimes this small device can have so much power over us.

     I'm not sure why I am so embarrassed to tell him this number...he knows everything else about me. He knows other things that I would be embarrassed to tell my friends or family members. I have struggled with this dilemma for a few years now. I know my husband loves me and does not care what that number is; yet I'm still scared of what he might think. He's obviously seen what's hiding under my clothes and has not thought anything bad.  One thing that adds to the anxiety of him finding out my real weight is that he thinks I'm a much smaller number. I'm afraid that once he realizes my actual weight that he will see me in a whole different way.

     I know some women have no problems saying that number out loud and that is very empowering. As for myself, I'm still barely able to whisper that number out loud. While proof reading my first post I actually stopped at the numbers I had put on there. I was staring at the screen thinking to myself if I really wanted to put that information out there. I finished reading it and hit publish. I mean here I am on the internet telling millions of people, yet I can not tell my husband. It somehow seems easier to open up to strangers, especially if you are sitting behind a keyboard and a screen. So should I just keep this dirty little secret to myself until I have lost some weight and feel better about myself or should I just tell him now so I get this burden off my chest? Sheesh, what's a girl to do! How many of you out there are going through this same thing or something similar?