Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What a Realization

As you can see I have not been posting as regularly as what I had started to. I was doing great with my workouts, losing weight and eating really well. Then came the holidays and the cold. Here is where my progress started to come to a stand still.

I had made it to Halloween and was doing good at not snacking on the candy my son had accumulated during trick or treating. Somewhere between Halloween and Thanksgiving I got lost. I was trying to be mindful of what I ate, but my exercise was severely lacking. I kept trying to get back in the groove, but I completely had fallen off the wagon.

Throughout the past couple of months I realized I didn't have it in me to jump back on the wagon. I stopped trying to eat healthy and stopped exercising. I hadn't weighed myself in quite some time either. I just kept telling myself that I was probably maintaining my weight and that was pretty good. I could slap myself right now for thinking that way. I stared at my Big Girl On a Quest facebook page and felt ashamed that I had not kept up with all of the wonderful things everyone else was still doing.

So now what? I summoned up the courage to actually step on the scale and see the damage I had done to myself over the holidays. The results sent me into tears. I was staring at a number I could not believe...251. Not only did I in no way maintain my weight, but had gained past my original starting weight. I felt so many things at one time. Anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Hopelessness. Defeat.

How could I do this to myself?! I let myself get back this way and now I have to work even harder to get out of this. I knew in the back of my head that I had been gaining weight because my clothes were feeling tighter. The new clothes that I had bought when I lost weight no longer fit. I have honestly come to hate this cycle of weight loss.

That moment on the scale was my turn around point. I will not do this to myself! I need to get back on the grind and start making the RIGHT/HEALTHY decisions. I will no longer overindulge in things that will harm my body. I do not want to feel this way anymore. My hardest part is trying to manage my time. During the time I had started to fall off the wagon was when I started nursing school full time. Having 2 kids, a husband, a job and full time school is not an easy schedule. I need to figure out how to work this out instead of just making the excuse of not being able to do it. NO EXCUSES!!!

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday and it scares me that I am at this weight. I have two beautiful boys that I want to be around for and be able to run and play outside without getting out of breath. My boys are very active and it is time for me to be as well. When I reach my 29th birthday I would love to be able to look back at this post and see how far I have come. I do not want to be feeling this way or in this situation on my next birthday. This will be my birthday present to myself for this year and next year.

Happy Birthday to Me!


  1. i think that's a wonderful birthday gift! :) weight loss/control is such a difficult beast to tackle. i have every faith that you can do this again! (don't you hate the again part? me too. sucks when you're losing the same weight for the 2nd time)

  2. You'll do great! Welcome to Shrinking Jeans.

  3. just stopping by to say "hi"...i found your link over at the sisterhood of the shrinking jeans on today's challenge check-in...try not to be too hard on yourself...
    i do know what you talking about...i went backwards over the past two months with holidays and gained around 13 lbs that i had just worked so hard to get off...i also gained back 1.5 lbs this week so, i am back at my starting weight for the Shrink You Self in 2012 challenge....
    so, all we can do now, is just start from today and keep moving in the right direction on our healthy journey...!!
    so, glad you found the sisterhood is a fantastic support group/community...if you haven't joined "the hood" yet there, you really should...!!
    good luck with your healthy journal...and YOU CAN DO THIS...!!

    tracy c.

  4. You'll do great! Many of us are pretty much in the same boat. Let's make 2012 the year of fitness! =)

  5. You can do this. I know you can. I was in a similar position 6 years ago, and then I lost 50 pounds over 9 months (and felt GREAT!).

    It wasn't easy, I was not an exerciser, and didn't feel like I had any will power. But by taking it one day at a time, I did it.

    Don't beat yourself up anymore. Look forward and not backward. What's done is done, and you CAN do this!!

    Christy - The Sisterhood

  6. Thank you for all the wonderful and encouraging comments!!! I'm going to keep my head up and get through this.

  7. Taking it one day at a time and making the best choices for each moment wil help you to meet your goals. Having accountability friends will help greatly too! Glad you found the Sisterhood! You are gonna love it there! You can do this and have a great time doing it!

  8. Keep your head up! We've all been there at some point or another. Just keep your focus and remember no excuse. We are all here to support eachother. You can do this!

  9. Hello!!! I am one of your new followers and I was hoping you could also follow me. I just recently started my own weight lose blog and I really badly need new followers, from other pople struggling to lose those extra pounds, So I can have more people believing in me and giving me their opinions, motivations, stories, etc...I hope you're able to get back up and brush yourself off and begin again. That's exactly what I am doing!!!! GOODLUCK!!! Happy Blogging!